Pain

I don't even know where to begin. I am not, and refuse to believe I am, asking too much for my feelings to be considered valid.


Is it really too much to ask that he phone me and say, "I know we need to talk, but I can't do it today,"? Is it too much to hope that after reading what I poured out of my soul he would understand that I needed that much at least?

Instead, I find him sleeping at home. That hurt enough... Then the phone call with the angry voice telling me "I haven't slept in two days and if that's a problem, so what."

In between the sobs i realized I can't do this anymore. The pain of staying has surpassed the pain of leaving. If the simplest courtesy is too much, places me too high on his priority list, then I deserve better.

The little voice that screamed, "But what about me?" has screamed itself hoarse and is now wimpering in the corner with the rest of my soul. The battle bitch is out front, shielding the little one curled in the corner while I decide how much pain i can take from one person.

I cared for this man, trusted him with my body and my soul and he took it all as though it were his due and with no consideration for how i felt or what i needed in return. Now I think I need to break the bonds, mental, physical, and emotional before they break me.

I am worthy, I am worthwhile. I deserve better than to be treated as a nusiance or a convenience.

It all still hurts.....................