Today's Events

T came over for lunch today.

I admit I was nervous. I'm not certain why exactly...just the usual jitters I suppose. I'm still worried I might do something, commit some major faux pas and send him running I suppose.

He met R and the two of them chatted for a while as I made the salads. R says he liked T, thought he was a nice man. This is a good thing.

My neck is sore. One of the first things T did was take a moment to do a few things he'd mentioned wanting to do for some time. He grasped my hair, pulled my head to the side and bit my neck HARD. I was a puddle at his feet. When he put his hand on my throat I melted even more. What an amazing sense of posession that act had. I must be honest and say it was a little scary, but I knew I was safe and relaxed right away.

I'm still processing and will write more later.

Leather Views July 7, 2002

Jul. 12th, 2002 at 9:00 AM

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for Issue number 29
Sunday, July 07, 2002

Doing As I Write
by Jack Rinella

As my regular readers probably know, I put a lot of confidence in the
technique of journaling. Regularly writing about one's thoughts, hopes,
and fears helps to clarify them and gives us a tool with which to find
self-understanding as well as solutions and improvements for our daily
lives. Since I'm in a week where my list of possible topics is at a low
ebb, I'm going to take my own advice and do some writing about my current
fantasy.

Before I do, though, I want to emphasize that I'm always open to
suggestions for topics and encourage you to drop me a note as to what you
want to read. The deal is this: if you tell me what you want you'd like to
read about, I'll try and be accommodating. If you don't you'll be stuck
reading (like this week) whatever hits my fancy.

A few weeks ago (on a Tuesday to be exact) Patrick noticed I was somewhat
depressed and quizzed me gently as to why. I admitted that I didn't know.
The down feeling lasted through Wednesday but by dinner time I as able to
admit that I wanted a lover and felt unfulfilled without one.

I shared my feelings about the possibility of creating a new relationship
and Patrick encouraged me to start looking. Perhaps not so coincidentally,
James, my therapist, gave me the same advice. Rather than wait to be
"healed" from the effects of my last breakup (two years ago), he noted
that a new relationship could in fact be part of the healing process.

I had never thought of it that way and he made a lot of sense. Besides, I
could look at my past relationships more clearly now and note what worked
and what didn't, what kind of person I wanted this time, as opposed to the
last several times.

Now many of you will be thinking that I should be happy with my slave
Patrick. I am. You'd say I should love Patrick and I do. The structure of
our relationship, which is very satisfying to both of us, is not one we
want to change. Master and slave we want to remain. In fact, Patrick has
made it clear he doesn't want to become my lover. Hence I find myself
wishing for a lover.

"Careful what you wish for, Jack," I think as I pick up a pen and paper
and try to visualize what that person looks like, acts like, and feels
like. I also wonder how I will act and how I will feel. Getting from here
to there involves change, though what that means only the future will
tell.

My first thought is that my next lover will be a versatile top, perhaps
even another master. I write that because I want a relationship with a
person who enjoys what I enjoy, even possibly everything that I enjoy. If
fact, I want to be able to watch him do what I do and I want us to do it
together.

I've never been in that kind of relationship, though I was close to one
like it when, as Master Lynn's slave, we co-topped a bottom. Not quite the
same but enough that it holds some potential for becoming real. That first
wish, I hope, ensures that we'll be without jealousy and competition,
secure in ourselves and each glad that the other has everything he
desires.

I also say that because I know too well that no one individual can satisfy
another's desires fully. That's why I tend to have multiple relationships.
(Now there's an understatement.)Together all of us provide for each other,
from each according to his abilities to each according to their needs. I
guess that makes it obvious that monogamous men need not apply.

It seems that I am firmly entrenched in my desire to have another man as
my lover. It's a matter of knowing myself. After all, it is my fantasy.

The whole lover idea involves a special kind of sharing. I can smile to
think that means that I fuck one end of a slave while he fucks the other,
but there is much more to it than that. Lovers, you see, are special to
each other in the way they share. At least that's how my fantasy goes.
Their relationship means that there's nothing that can't be said, heard,
felt, and tried within the bond of love that makes their relationship
special.

My dictionary comes in handy here, as I think I'm looking for a peer: "a
person who has equal standing with another, as in rank, class, or age." My
visualization projects that they are responsible, educated, handsome,
confident, generous, out-going, vivacious, and experienced in kink, in
leadership, and in sex. I visualize someone who is free to be themselves,
allows others the same freedom, and has a quiet streak of deeply spiritual
values.

I want to roll around with him in bed, flipping and exchanging roles. I
want to kiss and be kissed and never have to think about image,
appearance, or who's on top and who's on the bottom. I want a man who will
love both of me. Love me when I'm Jack and love me when I'm Joe. He'll be
as comfortable at all sorts of kinky events as he is when he comes to the
school where I teach.

I want to be able to cry on his shoulder and he on mine; to be with one
another through sickness and health, good times and not so good, reverie
and depression; to cruise and flirt and never worry about losing each
other in the crowd.

Oh there's lots of fantasy stuff to add to the mix as well. His smooth
well-muscled body will make me proud to be seen with him. His wit will
match me pun for pun. We'll never worry about whether we appear to be
political correct, are without a date, or whether the other is being
faithful.

It will be a great pleasure to share a quiet dinner, a large dungeon
party, a walk by the lake, or my "seventeen" slaves. He will be a helpmate
in building our family because he likes living in Grand Central Station as
much as I do, even while we plot to run off into the sunset for a time
just for us.

It's fantasy to be sure, but you've got to start somewhere. Patrick
reminds me that I'm not doing much looking and adds that maybe it's time I
start.

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or
visit my website at "". Copyright 2002 by Jack
Rinella, all rights reserved.

* * * * * *

Why not join me at an event some time soon?

July 26-28 Whipstock in Michigan for info: Whipstock2002@aol.com

Aug 9-11 Ms World Leather, Dallas, TX

Aug 19 A presentation on the History of Kink for APEX in Arizona


Aug 23-25 Ohio Leatherfest in Columbus

Interesting Day

I have had an interesting day.

After the cowardly bastard broke off our relationship over the instant messenger yesterday, I went back over to alt.com and bondage.com to look over the profiles I had put on my "hotlists." I sent a bunch of emails and waited.

I heard from about six or seven different people today. A couple were "Thanks but no thanks" responses but at least four were truly interested in me. I've spent several hours online today, chatting with these men and finding out that there are Dominant men out there who aren't afraid of a submissive who wants a relationship that goes beyond the scene.

All in all, it has actually been rather nice talking with these men. It is nice to feel desireable instead of feeling like a burden or annoyance.

On the lying sack of shit topic, I left a message that I want to pick up my things either tomorrow or thursday because I don't want to have to make a special trip to F-ville just to fit his "schedule." He's on vacation, he can make some time for me to get my belongings. The more I find out about him and what he was doing behind my back, the happier I am that I am free of the lying sack of shit. At this point, if he told me the sky was blue, i'd check first before I believed him.

Over, done, finis

That's it...it's all over.

In the middle of an IM discussion yesterday, JD told me to email him a list of the things I want returned. I begged him to talk to me, to explain what the hell was going on, but all I got was the same cryptic bullshit he's always given me. Suffice it to say he's holding me responsible for information he admits I don't have. He claims that my husband and I are becoming pariahs in the local community and he doesn't plan to go down with our "sinking ship." He won't tell me what's going on in the community, just that people have been telling him things about us.

You know what? Fuck him! He lied to me, I forgave him. He hurt me, I forgave him. I not only forgave him, I let him convince me that it had all been in my head. I wasn't even worth an explanation. I went against the wishes of my husband to go back to him the last time and he couldn't even be bothered to explain what the hell was going on despite his obvious understanding that I have no idea. He wouldn't even call me or let me call him, he did all of this in Yahoo fucking Messenger.

I will find a Dominant man who is interested in a real relationship. A Dominant man who won't tell me he's afraid to care for me too deeply because I'm married (even when he knows we're poly). A Dominant man who won't treat me like a toy that must be hidden in the toybag when he doesn't want to play with it. A Dominant man who will make me part of his life instead of treating me like a dirty secret.

I'm exhausted and my heart hurts so much that I can barely breathe. I was betrayed by people who I believed to be friends. You can bet I won't be trusting anyone again soon. And if I get my hands on the loud-mouthed bitch who betrayed my trust, you better bet I'm going to rip her a new one. I looked beyond what everyone said about her, believing that it was a case of no one being willing to move beyond the past. I welcomed this woman into my home and she repays my hospitality and friendship by spouting off to JD about things I believed were said in confidence the last time I was ready to dump his ass. None of it was anything I didn't later say to him, it is the principle of it.

I'm so angry that I just don't know what to do.

Last night's munch

The munch was fun. The wait staff at the restaurant kept trying to get into the conference room we were using. We finally blocked the doors and laughed loudly every time somone banged into the door and found it wouldn't open.
Folks seemed to enjoy my demo. We made simple rope floggers and I took them on a trip through my toybag (which has very few things in it that I didn't make). We chatted about resources and talked about playing outside primary relationships afterward.
It took us forever to get home because R thought it would be a good idea to go down Ocean Blvd. at 10pm on the Saturday after July 4th. It was after midnight when he finally looked for a way to get off the boulevard and onto the bipass...we'd only gone 10 blocks by then. I slept while he oggled.

Feeling pretty good

things with J.D. have been getting much better today's e-mail may me smile.

we are going to the MDBDSM munch tomorrow. I'm going to be doing a demonstration on DIY Kink. When I asked JD what I should wear for this event, he only specified one thing...a braided leather collar I had asked to be permitted to wear to our munch in June, but received permission too late to do so. Then today, I got this:
*************
"just remember what I wanted you to wear around your neck"
**********
It makes me smile sooooooo wide when he does these things. I don't know if he realizes how much it means to me when he says things like this.

I got some other really good news. My best friend, S, is going to be attending the munch with us tomorrow. I gotta corner him and ask him how he got away from his wife for the evening :).

Phone Call

I talked with John on the phone last night for over an hour (on and off because he was "wearing out" calling cards lol).

It was nice just to chat. I would have loved to have gotten in the car and driven up to spend the evening with him, but he wanted some time for himself before spending today and most of next week with his kids. I was a little disappointed, but not much. Talking to him, knowing he'd called me and kept calling back even after the cards ran out meant an awful lot.

He called me sweetheart before he hung up last night. My oh my, did that make my heart swell :). He says he's done it before, but if he did, I don't remember it. I told him it didn't matter if he'd done it before or not, it still sounded really nice to me. He's been doing little things like that a lot since the "Big Talk." Using my first name instead of Share when we speak, calling me honey or now sweetheart, asking me to wear the braided leather collar for him when I go to MB and give my DIY Kink demo on saturday. Things that make me feel special and very cared for.

Disturbing

Something happened yesterday and I'm a bit worried about it.

I was online last night about the time I thought JD might be on when I got an im from someone whose screen name I didn't recognize. Now I have my Yahoo set so that im's from people not on my friends list show up in a box all together rather than in individual im windows. That means I can always tell when someone is or is not on my list. This screen name wasnt.

This person buzzed me first and then typed a one liner that sounded like JD. I asked who it was and then went to look at the profile. Everything matched up with this screen name being JD, but the person denied my attempt to add them to my friends list and then disappeared.

I waited a while for the person to respond and then called JD. He was home and told me it wasn't him because he hadn't been online. He'd been sleeping. I accepted that...took him at his word...and then set to wondering who it was. He asked for the screen name and the link to the profile so I sent him both. He then went online and talked to me via his screen name for a bit.

Apparently his mother was online and was nagging him about something so he asked if I could call him. He got off the computer and I called.

To make what has become a long story a little bit shorter...the screen name WAS him. He'd clicked the wrong choice when he im'd me. He claims he was planning to tell me about this screen name and the information on the profile slowly because he wasn't sure how I would respond to it. He also told me he had been planning to go online and change something in the profile to make a joke of him not admitting it was him, but the interruption from his mother made that not possible.

The problem is, he lied to me. I am not at all upset about the information revealed on the profile...I'm devastated that he lied to me. I tried to explain that to him last night, but he got defensive about the information and I ended up reassuring him that the information wasn't the problem and wouldn't be a problem as long as he was honest with me.

How do I trust him? How do I know what he's saying is the truth when he would lie to me about something as trivial as a screen name? I don't know what to do at this point.

Leather Views Column 28

Leather Views Column 28

Jul. 2nd, 2002 at 6:47 AM

This is a great column on the types of literature currently available in the lifestyle.

LeatherViews

The free weekly column of serious leather sex information and advice.
Feel free to pass this on to a friend, or better yet, ask them to
subscribe. To get your own FREE subscription go to
.

If this column was forwarded to you, please come to our website and
subscribe...

for Issue number 28
Thursday, June 27, 2002

Leather Lit. 102
by Jack Rinella

New arrivals to our kinky culture will find a lot of books presenting and
detailing various aspects of BDSM. Some of these, especially those that
are fiction, are even published by the mainstream press. Daedalus
Publishing, Greenery Press, Cleis Press and Mystic Rose, to name the ones
that come to mind most quickly, are smaller presses that cater to our
"niche" needs.

Not only are there scores of books available, but they are easily
available and can be ordered at any bookstore. Those seeking greater
discretion can buy them on-line at www.kinkybooks.com , www.amazon.com , or
directly from the publishers' websites.

That the above is true is actually quite remarkable to an old guy like
myself. When I came out in Leather in 1983 or so(who's counting?) that
wasn't the case. Let's see. I could buy Drummer Magazine, Urban
Aboriginals, The Leatherman's Handbook, and soon after that Mr. Benson. If
there were other books, you couldn't have proved it by me.

Well others do come to mind now but they were really very hard to find and
I only learned about them long after I had entered the scene.

In August of 1992 I wrote a column called Leather Lit. 101 which was a
guide to what I knew was available then. You can see it at
. My how things have changed.

Here, then, are some of the newer books you ought to know about. I have to
give the usual disclaimer, though, that my slave Patrick owns an on-line
bookstore and he wrote and/or assembled most of these descriptions, but
isn't that what slaves are for?

A fine compliment to my newest book is SlaveCraft, Roadmaps for Erotic
Servitude. Guy Baldwin, author of Ties That Bind, joins forces with "a
grateful slave" to produce this gripping and personal account on the
subject of consensual slavery. Philosophical and intense, SlaveCraft dares
to delve beneath the surface of D/s relationships and gives us an intimate
and revealing view from a rare perspective- that of a slave. The authors
examine the psychology and spirituality behind the Master/slave dynamic.


In Carried Away, An S/M Romance by David Stein, steamy leathersex is only
the beginning when a cocky, jaded bottom and a once-burned master come
together for some no-strings bondage and s/m. Once the scene is over, a
deeper hunger unexpectedly awakens, and they begin playing for much higher
stakes. "If anyone is qualified to write hot and realistic man-to-man s/m
fiction, it
would be David Stein, whose lifelong activism within the leather community
has bolstered the growth of a whole new world of erotic opportunities. The
bondage sex in this book is depicted with great accuracy and feeling, and
the
characters are well-developed and true to life, making it easy to identify
with them," writes author and columnist Patrick Califia.

Don Bastian, a respected member of the leather community for over a
decade, brings his experiences to print with Chainmale 3SM. This
fast-paced account of one man's experience with his own sexuality, and
eventual involvement in a loving and successful three-way kink
relationship, is uninhibited and honest. Flowing craftily between coming
of age memories, thoughts and philosophies, and personal scene-related
experiences. Bastian's autobiographical tale of how his 3SM family came to
be is engaging and intelligent.

Since the early '90s, SM 101, A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman has
taught the fundamentals of safe, exciting SM to tens of thousands of
people of all genders and orientations. This expanded Second Edition
includes many revisions and updates, including a brand-new chapter on
starting and running SM organizations and events.

If you can tie your shoelaces, you can create an erotic masterpiece! Jay
Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook is a compendium of sensible, sensational
advice about how to tie up your sweetie, or get tied up yourself.
Everything from simple hands-behind-the-back experimentation to
immobilizing spread-eagles and hog-ties - all presented with Wiseman's
trademark humor and responsibility. Simple and easy-to-follow, with no
complex knots and plenty of illustrations to guide you on your way to
bound bliss.

John Warren, known as "Mentor" to the many who have read his books or
hearkened to his advice at his workshops and gatherings, brought his
decades of BDSM experience to this comprehensive manual The Loving
Dominant. From its advice on "Stalking the Wild Submissive" to its
extensive Resource Guide, "The Loving Dominant" offers the greatest
breadth of subject of any basic BDSM guide available today -- including
some basic toy making patterns and an entire chapter on BDSM photography!

I especially enjoyed The Ethical Slut, A Guide to infinite sexual
possibilities by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt, but then I admit to
being a slut. Beyond the often unrealistic ideal of lifetime monogamy lies
an uncharted jungle of delightful options - everything from committed
multi-partner relationships to friendly sex, casual sex, group sex and
more. In this groundbreaking volume, Bottoming Book and Topping Book
authors Easton and Liszt provide a road map for exploring this sometimes
difficult, often rewarding territory. Warm, informative details about how
to get your needs met, manage your jealousy, make agreements that work for
all concerned, talk to your friends and relatives, and build a life full
of all the sex and love you want.

For all those who are interested in a real Old Guard biography, To Love,
To Obey, To Serve, Diary of An Old Guard Slave, by Vi Johnson is the
perfect book. Within these pages are the real life experiences of an
extraordinary woman as recorded in her journal. Vi Johnson is one of the
most loved and respected women in the leather community. She entered the
Leather s/m scene in the 1970's, as a slave. A slave's duty was to Love,
Honor, Please, and OBEY, sometimes blindly, often at great personal cost.
To own or live the life of a full time slave is, and has been, the stuff
of s/m fantasies and erotic stories. The life recorded here reveals that
realities, which are quite different from the fantasies. Most of all this
is the journey of a woman following her dream.

Other books tell you where to place the ropes, where to buy a whip, how to
put on a clamp. Here is the book that tells you why! The New Bottoming
Book, How to Get Terrible Things Done To You By Wonderful People by Dossie
Easton & Janet W. Hardy is a groundbreaking book that take a realistic
look at what motivates tops and bottoms - what turns us on, what gets us
off. Laced with funny, exciting personal anecdotes, they examine the joys
and frustrations of being a bottom - physically, emotionally and
spiritually - and give you lots of realistic ideas about how to get more
of what you want. Perfect for tops and bottoms of any gender or
orientation. Cleis Press's "Ultimate Guides" ("to Anal Sex for Women", to
"Anal Sex for Men", "to Strap on Sex", as well as "to Cunnilingus"...
there`s even one for Lesbian pregnancy!) give great tips on how to give
pleasure.

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or
visit my website at ". Copyright 2002 by Jack
Rinella, all rights reserved.


* * * * * *

This weekly column is supported in part by the sale of books at
kinkybooks.com. Surf on over. With over 250 titles from which to choose,
something will fit your fancy. I'd especially recommend Guy Baldwin's new
book "SlaveCraft" and David Stein's new novel, "Carried Away."
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