Things Done "In My Best Interest"

This is a list of things once done "in my best interest" which are now complete and total deal breakers. Actually, anything done "in my best interest" without discussing it with me is likely to be a problem. Claiming that everything you ever did was in my best interest is delusional and a lie to make yourself feel better about being a liar.

1. Use of my house as a hook-up location because your other partner's house had children or a husband in it and your wife didn't know about any of it.

2. Belief in a known liar over me because it was expedient. I wouldn't continue to approach the issue, the liar wouldn't let it go if confrontation continued.

3. Use of my bed for sex exclusively with anyone else but me while I am in the house and in the room.

4. Springing the idea of the birth of a child on me less than two weeks before the child is born.

5. Making me make excuses to my parents about why you could not be at my home on Christmas morning when you promised you would. All because you were with your pregnant wife and didn't want me to know.

6. Forcing me to accept the inclusion of others in our relationship without honest discussion or even honesty regarding how you met them, how long you'd known them, how long you'd been having unprotected sex with them, etc., etc., etc.

7. Answering "I love you," with "Yeah."

8. Asking me to pay for something that was your fault, promising to pay me back and reneging on that promise immediately after the bill was paid.

9. Making me lie to your wife and child because when I bought a gift for your child, you told your family you bought it.

10. Asking me to ignore physical issues in order to let you give away my skills and services to others without any recompense for the raw materials used or consideration for the very real physical limitations ignored.

A power exchange relationship does not mean that the servant must forego needs and desires for the entire length of the relationship. It does not mean that the owner can lie without consequence. It does not mean that the servant must forget all humanity and be the perfectly obedient doormat so the owner doesn't feel guilt over what they know is unhealthy behavior.

Power exchange relationships must be balanced. If I had done any of the things listed above, whether for his own good or my own, I would have been dismissed from service immediately. The owner should have no less responsibility in the relationship than the servant. There must be a level of equality between the servant and the served or the relationship is doomed from the start. It's called power EXCHANGE. That means there has to be both give and take on all sides.

I deserve better. I will never settle for a liar again. There have been too many in my life already and at my age, I don't have the patience. The "it's ok girl" has finally breathed her last. I buried her after the last unequal power exchange relationship and because I will not let her rise from the grave, I must speak up. Those who are offended by this, consider why you feel that way. Is it perhaps guilt because you have done these things? Or maybe you know you meant to do them but someone called you on them.

Is it not easier to be honest? Those who know me well know that confrontation is not my thing. Telling me the truth may result in my withdrawal until I am ready to deal with any pain or sorrow, but never will it result in a public scene. Why, then, is it those who should have known me best who feel the need to lie to me?

So I don't lose it...

Get Your Learn On
by shareinnc 2 days ago
Event posting HERE.

We'll start with flogging, whipping and the toys which make these things so great. Bring your own toys to learn with or borrow from the presenter.

BYOC (Bring Your Own Chair) unless you want to sit on a concrete floor.

Questions? Contact me directly for the quickest answer.

Shari


Following Discussion (stop following) | edit post


Responses (39 of 39)
Jebijou: 2 days ago
Yeah, right . What is this crappe? BYOC?? Are you certified & experienced to teach this stuff? (sorry, never heard of you before) Is this home based or do you have a sanctioned center?
shareinnc: 1 day ago
What in the name of Voldemort's Saggy Left Nipple is a "sanctioned" center? PA law forbids the creation of legal dungeon (I know, I've researched it as I owned a club in NC where it was legal) so WTF do you consider a sanctioned center and who are you to determine or demand that?
I leave it up to those who know me to determine if my 12 years in the national leather community have given me the experience to teach this "stuff."
I've never heard of you before either, but if you wanted to teach something, I'd certainly consider it before calling the idea "crappe."
If you don't want to join us, don't. If you do, RSVP. Those are the choices.
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Oh, and where do you get "certified" to teach flogging? I wasn't aware of any nationally recognize schools of BDSM. Please do enlighten me.
naughtynana: 1 day ago
Did you check out her profile Shari? She teaches in So Lancaster County and I guess she thinks you will steal her customers. LOL.
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Yeah. I noticed that after I responded. Wrote about it HERE.
Jebijou: 1 day ago
ooh, wicked aren't we?. Perhaps if you had listed your ahem, experience & credentials folks would have a clue here wouldn't they. That is all I was asking sweetie, don't get y'er knickers in a bunch.
No need to get mean or snarky.
Ya get more flies with honey.
I've had several complaints & questions from people asking if they should go to your basement, bring your own chair event.
You do not list the presenter, time, day, etc. Why they are asking me is beyond comprehension. And trust me I do not want your uhmmn, customers. HAve enough dedicated students & clientele of my own. Was simply seeking clarificaton. Not a hate rant from you & your plump little friend. Is that the way you work, really??
shareinnc: 1 day ago
I have absolutely no idea why anyone would complain to anyone but me and expect an answer. So sorry you had to deal with that.

Have you looked at the event? The time and date are listed there. No, I haven't listed the location publicly. Excuse me for protecting that location for personal reasons. As for the presenter, it's me. I was asked by someone planning to attend to please present the topic.

I don't have credentials because THERE IS NO PLACE TO GET CERTIFIED in WIITWD. Show me your credentials, only for BDSM and Leather areas, and I'll show you mine. As for experience, apparently 12 years in the community isn't enough for you? So sorry I'm not up to scratch. I'll have to work on that, just for you.

Also, please excuse me for not owning twenty or thirty chairs. Even when I owned a club, we asked people to bring their own chairs because we only owned a certain number and often had more people than chairs. Since I don't charge for these educational evenings, I'm not going to 1) invest in chairs or 2) pay to rent them. What is it about asking people to bring their own chairs that offends you so much?

As for flies, you keep them. I'm much more interested in sharing knowledge with the community...with fulfilling my responsibility to keep our community strong through education...than with collecting flies, or paying customers.

At least I asked for information rather than attacking the appearance of someone. You haven't bothered to answer any of my questions, yet I have answered yours. Who is the snarky, nasty, mean one?
Jebijou: 1 day ago
My credentials are listed on site. I was only attempting clarity and trying to help a few clients. Check your other missive. This is Lancaster County and people are a bit timid out here. Thankx for your response. I shall pass it along. How long have you been in YorK? WHy is it no one here has ever heard of you & keeps emailing me?
Jebijou: 1 day ago
We can piss about all day, but honestly, I'm getting bored & it just isn't my style.
If you have any further questions email me personally or visit my website.
good day !
shareinnc: 1 day ago
While I grew up in this area, I began my journey in the leather community in North Carolina. I moved back to PA in 2009.

Want references? I'm happy to provide them.

Sekr
BDPlayer
boijen
Catherine Gross
Master Dan
Master David
Ed Ninja
Cowboi Jen
Fifth Angel
Jack Rinella
Lady O
Master Don
MaxxRulz or here
Master Taino
Mister D
Miss Kitty
Miss Marie
Rorie
Madam Tarantula
Viola Johnson

Feel free to contact any of these folks to ask anything you'd like to know about me. When I returned to PA and found a very small, cliquish, and closed community, I kept my national connections and worked only with a very small group of locals.
Jebijou: 1 day ago
thankx for your list of fet friends but really they're on your profile, silly...
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Could you be just a little more condescending? I'm not all that great with subtlety.
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Funny, Jebijou wanted to know why no one around here knows me, but obviously isn't interested in talking to anyone who does know me.

Funnier still, we share seven mutual friends. If you don't like my list of references, why not ask one of our mutual Fet Friends? I am sure they can tell you all you wish to know.
Seeker218: 1 day ago
Unbelievable... and oh so typical. Apparently it is no longer acceptable to attempt to learn something from your friends???? I can personally vouch for Shareinnc's knowledge, intentions and skills. Since when is it a bad thing for someone to offer to help a fellow kinkster the opportunity to enhance their knowledge and skills? And to do so altruistically without concern for personal gain....unheard of I suppose. As for listing credentials, This is a local friendly meet at a private residence, no where do I see it advertised as a national event with a rigorous schedule. Quite frankly the attitude displayed by Jebijou is both offensive and small minded. Did it ever occur to her that it might be preferable to learn in a private environment with at least some of your personal acquaintances surrounding you? Or is the problem that Shareinnc isn't concerned with turning a fast buck or profiting from this? IMHO, True teachers are in the profession because they enjoy sharing their knowledge with others, not because they are going to the bank with huge paychecks. I say bravo to you shareinnc, you are providing an excellent example of contributing to the kink community rather than perhaps being a money grubbing leach. And as usual, proud to list you among my friends.
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Thanks Seeker218. I appreciate the compliments :). Hope you and yours might come down for the event or dinner soon.
GuiNeVere327: 1 day ago
I second everything Seeker said. I applaud your willingness to provide a comfortable, private environment to share and learn among friends without any personal gain other than the satisfaction of sharing your knowledge and skills with others. I'm glad there are people like you in the local community, and I too am proud to call you a friend.
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Thank you very much GuiNeVere :-)
Jebijou: 1 day ago
So much drama & assumptions. Amazing!"
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Hmmm...drama and assumptions...I'm pretty sure that's were this whole discussion began.

But wait, who started it...Oh right, it was you @Jebijou.
Jebijou: 1 day ago
Your so called. Friends are the ones asking. Me why a slave/ sub is teaching classes. Don't t blame me for the confusion. Heyy look at all the free attention. & be grateful. Duhh!
Seeker218: 1 day ago
good thing. no one. is teeching. English. huh.
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Oh wow...now we get to the meat of the problem. My identification in the community is the problem? Most of the mutual friends we share, Jebijou, are well aware of my skills...having put them to good use themselves or on those they own. I can only guess from that statement which of the mutual friends you are speaking of.

As for attention. You really don't know me. Something I'm beginning to be rather grateful for.

Look, for anyone out there reading this mess, I apologize. I let my fur get in a rough and I shouldn't have. However, I will leave you with this one thought...

If you feel, for whatever reason, that just because someone identifies as something other than a dominant that you cannot learn from them, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT ever come to a PAEN event. You'll be forced to realize that my relationship identification has absolutely nothing to do with my skills, my experience or even my play preferences. If you can't understand that, stay home. Keep your narrow-minded thoughts to yourself and make sure you only go out and learn from Twue dominants. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
shareinnc: 1 day ago
LOL @Seeker218

What was it about credentials...Oh yeah, I didn't bring up my vanilla ones, did I? Hehehe
Seeker218: 1 day ago
Alas, it would appear that in this battle of wits, we are dueling with an unarmed opponent....lol
shareinnc: 1 day ago
Oh no...someone let the snarkmonster out of it's cage. It was bound to happen. I can only squash it for so long. Besides, the snarkmonster really hates it when other people bash its friends for no reason other than they cannot think of a real argument.

If I'm going to be roundly cursed, I may as well be roundly (if poorly) cursed in two languages.

"Je = inner
bijou = jewel (lustrous gem)"

Sorry, but "je" is the singular first person pronoun meaning "I"
Inner would be intérieur. But I suppose that isn't as interesting, nor as appropriate, as I Jewel, is it?

Apparently your French is as atrocious as your English.


naughtynana: 1 day ago
@jebijol--I really think it is time for you to stick to your side of the river and let us alone on our side of the river. Oh, altho I may be "plump", at least I post a profile pic of myself, not a non living object. Perhaps that is b/c you are ashamed of yourself or your looks. And dont give me that shit about "I am an influential person and can not allow my pic to made public". That is just a cop-out. If your in the lifestyle, be proud about it, not a closet player! And yes, I can be snarky too!~
Hope24: 1 day ago
Ditto what @Seeker said. Been in this life for a while and one of the first things I was taught was to have respect and tolerance for others,as they may choose a path completely different from mine. I've known Shari for a few years now and and i'll vouch for her completely...No doubts. Who am I? An experienced adrenline junkie who loves to be on the receiving end of Shari's whip. I don't really care if my opinion means squat to anyone but me, but I know ONE thing. There is always room to grow..and room to learn...and to share ideas(and knowledge) with others.The best part is that information is FREE. Online,in books,all around if someone wants to learn. While one person might know more than another, and be willing to share their information, it is up to the individual to process that information and own it (or not) for themselves.
I'm going to this with an open mind and a willingness to add to what I already know...
....I hope others do as well....

lauren
Jebijou: about 3 hours ago
Wow, quite the rant and a host of assumptions from one lousey question.Do try to get over yourself/selves. Try to keep the hatred at a minimum girls. . . I have quietly stood by & allowed you to rant & falsely accuse, showing your true colors. Good-Day & Thank-you!
Some of You assume being a sub/slave is bad, Others of You assume being plump & lovely is a problem. There are several photos of me on my list with my profile, get a grip ladies, pease. Are you offereing a service out of love & compassion or hatred & abuse?
Thank-you for frightening my client & friends.
Jebijou: about 3 hours ago
All the angst & dissatisfaction you have for yourselves. Is this what you teach?
Keep your angry threats & mis-accusations. "Respect & tolerence" for oneself is paramount before one can respect others.
shareinnc: about 3 hours ago
Oh for heaven sake Jebijou, drop it already. If your client isn't adult enough to speak directly to someone, but needs an intermediary like you, they have bigger issues than my plans for an educational evening.
To any observers, you have my heartfelt apology for having to witness me letting my mouth get ahead of my brain. Normally I wouldn't have let this go on this long because I would simply have sucked it up and not voiced my thoughts. Y'all caught me on a bad day and I let this narrow minded attack get to me.
I look forward to meeting the folks coming to the PAEN event. To anyone "afraid," of this kind of event , I hope you will step forward and speak directly to people rather than setting people like Jebijou on others instead.
MelissaBound: about 2 hours ago
Gosh this was very painful to stumble upon. Shari is a tried and true friend and play partner. Jebijou a new friend I thought was very open and understanding. Our community is to small to have people openly attacking and building walls. In a perfect world this thread would get a do over. I'm a bit disappointed not that my feelings matter.
shareinnc: about 2 hours ago
Mel, your feelings always matter honey! Please don't feel any guilt or responsibility or pain over this mess. You and your lovely Mistress are dear to me and I'm sorry something like this bled over onto y'all in any way. I so wish I could be with you guys next weekend. Know my heart is with you both!
Seeker218: about 2 hours ago
Hmmm...we have angst and dissatisfaction because we like to share knowledge in a safe, private venue for free....the colors are truly showing for sure...sharinnc is a happy, well adjusted person interested in bettering the community through selfless action... Geez sharinnc, perhaps you should be more interested in your quarterly report next time. We defend an activity that humans have performed since we climbed out of the trees and now we have no self respect. Interesting from a delusional standpoint. I think this is a good example of greed run wild, god forbid she gives something away for free...twisted views of humanity are so interesting to see. Don't worry jebijou, there are plenty of sheeple left for you to fleece. 70 per hour for something that can be learned from knowledgable friends for nothing more than the company... The nerve!!!
Tilari: about 2 hours ago
Well, this escalated quickly. And, for the love of fuck, what does being a submissive or a slave have ANYTHING to do with teaching others?
shareinnc: about 2 hours ago
It's an attitude I've encountered many times Tilari. I usually just smile and nod and remember that much of what I know and live and breathe I learned from Viola Johnson...likely the single most amazing woman and slave our community is blessed with.
Tilari: about 2 hours ago
@Shareinnc That's a totally bullshit attitude and I'm sorry you ever encountered it. :( And that's far more forgiving of a response to it than I could ever muster. ><
shareinnc: about 2 hours ago
@Tilari Twelve years in the community has given me a bit more perspective and usually I'm able to shrug off junk like this. This was an unfortunate exception.
Evil_Geoff: about 1 hour ago
You know, I would call someone who name-drops Catherine Gross, Jack Rinella, Vi Johnson, Master Taino, Fifth Angel, and so many others as *references" as utterly insane.

Unless they actually know those folks and know what kind of referral they will get.

I mean really. You don't name drop nationally known presenters and authors who are easily contacted and will verify references. I don't have Jack's number in speed dial but he was there at the T3 event where I was presented with my earned boots... I can call Lady Catherine, Vi, and couple of others on that list myself, and message most of the rest and they would be kind enough to reply. A few of us go back in real time to the days of The Sanctuary of a Dark Angel and PEP-Atlanta... and on the internet since alt.sex.bondage was the big pool for kinksters and Bondage-A-Go-Go in Yahoo Chat was the gateway chatroom... ;-)

Me? I'm no one terribly important, I'm not famous (at least not to my way of thinking), I'm an evil, sadistic, kinky bastard with a pretty well equipped toy bag, and judging by the comments I get from demo bottoms and play partners, I know how to use most of the stuff I have pretty well. I've learned from some of the best kinksters out there. Leathermen and women, BDSM practitioners, shibari practitioners.

Maybe some of them you would recognize, some you may not. But almost always it was done in an atmosphere of camaraderie, friendship, and with the core value of "Each one, teach one" in their heart. And I enjoy the hell out of sharing what I've learned over the years. I'm just beginning to do presentations outside of the Southeast.

I do not know Jebijou, and I will not speculate on her motives or character based on a few messages from what appears to be a personal dispute with a friend.

But I _do_ know Shari, and have known her many years. Not that my word means much with the local community in PA, but please feel free to check with people you know in the southeast about me, or Shari. I'll vouch for her, and that she has a real passion for nurturing her community. If anyone cares to know more, please give me a shout out privately. Or just contact any of her listed references, if you have the fortitude to do so.

Safe journeys,
- Geoff
shareinnc: 19 minutes ago
Well all things being equal, I probably am insane, but not because I offer up nationally known folks as references...I guess being a member of Mom's leather family makes me forget that not everyone knows these folks as I do. I have been hugely blessed to learn at the feet and knee of some of the best teachers our community has to offer. I count Geoff among those amazing teachers. I count Master Don and orja among those teachers. I count MelissaBound and Miss Marie among those teachers. I count Madam Tarantula and RedRigel among those teachers I even count Griffin and Ann among those teachers (and those who know me personally, know how much it takes For me to say that).

Each one teach one is a true part of my heart and soul and has been almost all my life. If Allen had not taken the time to teach me his leather crafting skills, what kind of tragedy would it have been that they were lost when he died? I have always offered up what I have learned so that the legacy of our community is not lost through tragedy. Isn't that idea at the heart of the mission of the Carter Johnson library? Isn't it our responsibility as members of the community to keep our knowledge alive and available?

Sorry...didn't mean to get up on my soap box.

How Could I Have Forgotten?

"A man who sees others in the position he wishes to be in day in and day out is not weak. Instead he is the strongest of us all. He sees his own dream fulfilled for others each day and yet each day he serves to the best of his ability and without complaint or jealousy. He may never get his heart's desire, but his service is not one whit less than his best while he awaits his dream."

Thoughts on Owning Strength

I wrote this last year on Fet and don't want to lose it.

What value is there in controlling the weak? Is not the control of the strong much more satisfying?
This thought came to me after a submissive contacted me via cm and said how nice it was to see another who believed in the strength of those who submit.

Now I could definitely argue that I do not submit, I surrender. There is a significant difference between the two terms. To submit is to "give over or yield to the power or authority of another." To surrender is "to yield to the possession or power of another." The two terms may seem close in definition, but there are several key differences.

As defined above, you can see that surrender includes the concept of ownership while submit does not. Additionally, surrender does not absolve one of inherent authority, while submit does. Both require to giving of power to another, but to me, there is a more considered and conscious decision in surrender than found in submission.

When I am in service, I have chosen to surrender my power to the possession of the owner. It is a conscious and thoughtful decision on my part because I am, at my core, a powerful, intelligent, thoughtful woman and a control freak. Ruthless obedience allows me to find safety and comfort in my surrender, but neither obedience nor surrender absolve me of my responsibility as a thinking adult.

Circling back to the original thought, would not an owner be more fulfilled by owning property which has surrendered to his ownership and power while retaining their authority in the larger world? Would it not be more fulfilling knowing that the powerful person in service to an owner could say no but has made the decision to say yes? Is it not more fulfilling to an owner to be served by someone who serves through making decisions rather than failing to do so? Should I not, as a servant, seek to serve an owner who seeks the more difficult path of ownership of a strong servant over that of a weak one?

Just a thought.