Decision to make

The second week of July will mark six months since Sir wandered into my life.

It all started with a post to CarolinaBDSM that I was thinking of looking for a Dom again after 6 mos out of the community all together. Then a denied "add" on my yahoo messenger. I usually deny adds to my messenger list if I don't recognize the screen name and his is so terribly tacky that I denied it immediately. Thankfully, he sent an email directly to me and we started talking. It's a little disconcerting that I nearly missed him because of that ridiculous screen name.

It has been a somewhat contentious six months. We've had our ups and downs as we got used to being in each other's lives. The worst was learning how to communicate with each other in a way that the other understood. We're both emotional beings and we clash often because of it. Since the "Big Talk" however, I have noticed him making a concerted effort to include me in his thoughts and make sure I understand rather than using his "need to know" policy and assuming I'm okay. I know that I have been trying very hard to hope instead of expect and to accept what I receive from him as enough without second guessing any of it. I've been happier and much more content since that shift.

Now I need to decide if I want to do something that he's requested twice. I do not address Sir as Master. Master is a word that, to me, entails so much more than Sir. It implies ownership. Without a collar of any kind from Sir, I don't know that I feel comfortable calling him Master. I do know that I am uncomfortable in public lifestyle events without him because I do not have a collar...I feel untethered, lost. I've told him this, but I know his feelings on collars and I don't see them changing. He did give me permission to wear a choker to our last meet and greet, even if that permission came too late.

So I will be thinking about this for the next week to decide if I will change how I address him and what that will mean.