Just thinking

Sir asked me to arrange a threesome for his birthday.

I know of only one person who I could arrange this with on such short notice...AD. She's a nice woman and all, but somewhere deep inside I have some small alarm bells going off as I plan this thing. She's very clingy, very needy and extremely consuming when she's in the room.

My question to myself is...am I hesitant to include her in the birthday celebration for selfish reasons or because the last thing Sir needs is someone who might make a nuisance of herself later? If I'm honest, it's selfish reasons. I would love nothing more than a quiet (or not so quiet) day with him. It isn't that I'm afraid he'll decide he likes her better...I am not. I want his birthday to be fun and what he's hoping for. He told me he's asked for a threesome for years for his birthday and no one has ever given him one. I'd like to do that for him.

I asked if the obvious choice...S (Sir's girlfriend) would be interested. Apparently she prefers that I just stay in the shadows of his life and not meet her in the light. She knows I'm there, but wants nothing to do with me. If I'm honest with myself, that really hurts. I can think of many ways the two of us might work together to make Sir's life happy and healthy rather than segregating it into her time, my time and family time. Again...honestly....since my time always comes last maybe if she and I were friends that wouldn't happen so often.

I have been working very hard at being more laid back, at hoping rather than expecting. I think I'm doing well, but sometimes little things strike my heart...