Thoughts for today

I've found myself thinking of you throughout the day. As I left the house to run errands and head for Fayetteville I hoped the message I planned to leave on your voice mail would be sufficient to explain why I did not call you back. I am sure I heard you say you'd call me, but of course I could be mistaken. I certainly wasn't deliberately disobeying you.

I've had a few very pleasant flashbacks from yesterday. One of the advantages to having an active imagination is my brain will choose pleasant experiences, especially intense physical experiences, and bring them back to me complete with all the phsyical sensations associated with the original experience. In the past, I've come close to orgasm a few times just from flashbacks.

I thought about what you said regarding the "nickname" and how you thought it was strange that I wouldn't call you Master, but I'd choose the welsh word for it. I'm not sure why I did that. I do know, that truth be told, I'm not all that comfortable with nicknames anyway. I have a tendency to call people by their full names...for example, Richard went by Rich when I met him. Now he use Richard because I call him that. If it wouldn't bother you immensely, I'd call you Terrance rather than Terry. It's just a quirk of being me, I suppose. Maye it comes from having a short name that can't be easily changed to anything else. Nicknames also sometimes strike me as a place for someone to hide the truth of themselves. I know that many people in the BDSM community use a nickname or screen name to protect their privacy, but I'm far more comfortable without them. I'm not saying I won't use a nickname for you (and I will tell you it will certainly be easier for me to write it than say it) but I will be honest and tell you it will take time before I am comfortable with it.

You know I am comfortable with Sir. Know, too, that should I refer to you for some reason in a venue where you are not open (ie. a submissive support group I belong to on Yahoo), I would never use your name. I would simply say, "my Sir."

I told you that I've never been collared. I've also always waited for permission--express permission--to refer to either me or the Dominant I was seeing as "together." I try not to presume.

I wonder what you are thinking as the day progresses. You ask me that same question fairly often and I answer honestly each time. Sometimes I really am thinking nothing. Other times my thoughts are too jumbled to express.

I hope you won't regret asking me to keep this journal. It is extremely helpful for me to be able to write these things down and know that evenutally you will read them and even respond to them.

I know I can be difficult and sometimes I ask a lot of questions. I hope you'll be patient with me as I am finding my place and learning my role and your rules.