Rant

Okay, if you're not in the mood for a whiny rant, don't click the link :).

So why is it that just driving into the city where the shithead lives leaves me thinking about him and brings the pain back? It's been a month since he decided that his "need to know" policy was a good enough reason to finally dump me and yet I am still angry and still very hurt. It isn't helping that I seem to be seeing more and more of his lies as I review the six months we were together. There's this little part of me that still feels something kind and good toward him but that part is quickly squashed by the battle bitch who protects me when others decide to take advantage of my giving nature. I want to just forget him and move forward, but I don't know how at this point.

Then there's T...have you ever been so completely wrong about someone that you don't even know where to begin? Every reference I checked said T was a nice man...he was quiet, reserved, but nice. BULLSHIT!!!!

Picture this...He comes to our home, has a wonderful time with me serving him for the afternoon in any way he asked. Then disappears for a week online. He's in a funk he says. He's not fit company he says. I believe him and tell him to get back to me when he's done with his funk. At the end of a week of silence, I am about to write him an email when he finally contacts me again. His wife found a wedding invitation. She knows about me now. I'm expecting that she's going to say, "No more D/s relationships."

Well, that's kind of what she said...According to T, she gave him a choice. He could have his D/s relationships or he could have another vintage Corvette. That's all well and good. I'm certainly not going to interfere with someone's marriage. What I didn't need to hear from T was that he was having trouble deciding.

He put me up against an inanimate object...a fucking car...and found me lacking and thought it would be a nice and honest thing to do to tell me so. Fucking Lie To Me, Asshole! I'd rather he lied than tell me I was losing to a piece of metal.

I told him that it was a horrifically hurtful thing to tell me and told him to enjoy his fucking car.

What the hell is it with people? Is it that I'm married and they assume that because I am I cannot be serious about a real relationship with a Dominant? And because they make this assumption they feel justified in taking what I give freely and stomping on me when they find something better?

Then this morning, after I drag myself out of bed at 7 so that my husband's submissive wouldn't have to sit in the driveway if she was early, we get a phone call. It's the submissive, at 10 after 8, calling to say she isn't coming.

I think I am going to sit in a corner today and slam my head against the wall for a while. It will likely do just as much good as anything else I've tried lately.