Thoughts after waking

It was wonderful to see your responses. The communication is more important to me than I can adequately express.

As for the "moving too fast" fear from yesterday, most of that fear comes from past experience and knowing that when I like someone or like being with them, I hope. Sometimes that hope goes too far. I know that you have chosen me and asked me to be with you. I guess I thought finding someone, especially after that last fool, would take a little longer. I am not unhappy with the speed of things, it just makes my head spin a little bit and it may take some time for me to fully adjust.

As you noticed yesterday, I have trouble articulating verbally. Part of this comes from my recognition that, especially when I am upset, the first thing that comes to mind is usually the last thing I want to actually say. It takes time for me to put the thoughts together. If I hesitate before speaking, please understand that it is because I am thinking. Words are tools and I want to be sure I choose the best tools for the job at hand. Believe it or not, I'm a fairly conservative person who still clings to some of the "good girls don't" mentality left over from thirty years of societal conditionning. I have trouble saying certain words and I'm sure I blush furiously when talking about intimate things. With time will come comfort with you and that will lessen.

As for my nervousness yesterday, that may or may not fade quickly. It isn't you that makes me nervous, it's me. I don't want to disappoint you and so I am conscious of everything I do and say. That leaves me a little twitchy. I have never been with a Dominant who is as stern and strict as you, so I am afraid of misstepping. When I know the rules, I will be more comfortable. Think of it this way...if you took Brandon's cage from him, he would be lost and uncomfortable, right? That cage is his boundary. His space and his understanding of where he is supposed to be. Rules between us will do that for me. Once they are in place, I will calm down.

I'm sure I'll write more later. I'm still processing and thinking.