Thursday Afternoon Thoughts

I did not call you when I arrived in Fayetteville today. I don't think this was a conscious decision on my part, merely the result of having many places to go and things to get done. I was here for more than an hour before I realized I hadn't called you.

I decided then to wait until you told me whether or not you wanted me to continue to call you upon my arrival in Fayetteville. I will tell you that it is a habit I formed with my last Dom. I would call him when I was in Fayetteville in case he wanted to talk to me or had a few minutes to see me.

As for calling before I head home, I will continue to do that because you specifically requested that I do so on the two occaisions that we spoke this week. I don't want to become a bother or make too many demands, so please understand that calling you without you requesting that I do so will always leave me feeling a little off...

I'm terrified of running people off. I am an over-achiever, so when I am given a task, I tend to complete it as quickly as possible. I am also a feed-back junkie. That means that when I complete a task that has been set for me by someone else, I look to them for confirmation that it was done to their satisfaction. Some people find that part of my personality extremely annoying.

I'm beginning to miss you. Silence is extrememly difficult for me to deal with. I leave the television on when I'm home alone and even fall asleep to it because I cannot stand the silence. Silence brings doubts too. Intellectually I know you are having computer problems and said something about going on leave so I know that your silence since Tuesday night likely means nothing at all. Emotionally, silence is the hardest thing for me to deal with. It opens the door for all the demons that have reared their heads before...the ones screaming "You're nothing. He used you. What made you think you were worth his time?"

Please understand that I do realize these are irrational fears and linked firmly to me and NOT you. I'm writing this more to let you know what is on my mind today than to do anythinig else. You asked for my thoughts, emotions, feelings and fears. These are they.

BTW, I just wanted to tell you that you are welcome to come to our home whenever you have time. Even if all you want to do is skinny dip in the pool, our home is open to you. R likes you. He'd be happy to have you visit both of us whenever you have time.

I'm looking forward to the party on Saturday. I really like Lou and Emm. They are wonderful people and watching them scene together is an experience I am honored to have had. I think you would like them. If you choose to attend any Sandhills events with me you'll likely meet them.

We've been invited to a party on the 31st, too. If you'd like to go, let me know because we haven't decided for sure if we're going. We do have plans to go to the Myrtle Beach BDSM munch on the 7th of September. They are a fun bunch of people and you'd absolutely be welcome to join us. You might even meet my best friend if you attended that one. He's an MB cop and whenever we go down there, we try to see him for at least a few minutes.

And of course you are invited to the Labor Day BBQ we've planned at our house. I'll send you an invitation to it if you like. I just didn't want to presume because it would put your email address on the invitation. I'd love to be with you for any or all of these events but will certainly understand if you already have plans.

As far as monthly repeating events, MBBDSM meets the first Saturday of the month and Sandhills meets the fourth Saturday of the month. We're skipping the Sandhills event this month in favor of holding the Labor Day BBQ instead. If you'd like an invitation to join the Sandhills list, please let me know and I will send you one. We're a small, non-political group of friends with similar interests who get together once a month to kvetch at a local coffee shop.

There are so many things I don't know about you. What kind of music do you like? What's your favorite food? What kind of books do you like to read and who is your favorite author? I'm terribly nosey, I know, but it stems from wanting to know you well enough to serve you better.

For example, if I made stromboli, would you want to be invited for dinner? Stromboli is one of my specialities and I have people who will drive hours to have it :). I'd love to cook for you.

I hope you are well. I miss you. You've invaded my thoughts. I hope to hear from you soon.