Something came up this evening that I need to talk with you about. I didn't like the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that the topic left me with.

We haven't discussed certain things…expectations I have of a relationship…and that is a part of what bothered me this evening.

R was talking to Colleen, from the Labor Day party…they've been talking a lot. She asked if I knew you had IM'd her. I did know…you had asked me for her screen name. I just never thought to ask what you had chatted with her about.

I won't gainsay you. I have no right to say who you can and cannot see, nor would I want to do that. I just want to ask that you please tell me if you are seriously considering playing with someone. It's part of my ability to make informed decisions. I don't want or need details, just basic information. If you tell me these things, I don't have that momentary flinch that is an artifact from having been lied to so many times.

I told you once that I would never promise not to get jealous. That usually it was a momentary thing that might need a bit of reassurance from you, but that I would be okay. I know you like to flirt and while the twinges have been there, I've been okay. But I've also seen how surprised you've been that so many women find you appealing in our circle of friends and I wonder if perhaps you feel as though you chose me too hastily and are missing out on something better.

I guess I'm asking two things here…
1. Please let me know if you are seriously considering another play partner.
2. Please just tell me, "Everything is okay."

I'm sorry to be so difficult. I'm afraid and fear makes me behave this way.