Sep. 29th, 2002

• 8:25 AM

The house nearly burned down last night. One of the cats pissed on the wall over the 220 plug for the ac in the living room. The breaker didn't snap fast enough and the wall caught fire a little bit. Luckily, R was awake enough to hear the crackling and get the fire out before the house went up.

Just a perfect topper to a crappy day. We'd already made a list of cats for which we needed to find homes, then Scamp and Bubber had a fight and R unilaterally moved Scamp to the "Go" list despite her not originally being there.

No, I didn't let that stand but he threatened to beat her if she fought with Bubber again and which is worse, me missing her and her living in a better home, or him beating her for a dominance issue?

I'm getting to that place again, the one that has me evaluating how much pain I allow anyone else to bring into my life...seems to come to me at about this time of year.

You asked me why I'm with him...I was honest when I said I didn't know. Maybe it's familiarity. Maybe it's fear of being alone. Maybe it's financial. Maybe I really am a coward. I've loved him for a very long time. It's hard to imagine life without him...but sometimes....

You don't need this burden. I'm sorry. I'll shut up now.

Come home from your family safe and call me when you get home.