Freedom in Surrender

There is freedom in surrender that I have not found in any other part of my life.

That sentence came to me as I was talking to my best friend about power exchange relationships. As I typed it, I realized how very true the sentiment encased in those words is.

I am a strong woman. I'm a self-described control freak. I take care of my own life and often the lives of those I care about. Consider then, the power inherent in offering up that kind of control to someone else and letting them take you where they want you to go. Instead of doing everything yourself, you surrender to the desires and priorities of another and you must learn to rely on someone else. The thought of trusting someone with that level of surety is daunting for someone like me. Outside of a power exchange relationship, I rarely rely on anyone else for any reason. I don't trust others to not let me down. In a power exchange relationship, however, it becomes an aspect of ruthless obedience to trust in an owner and surrender to his desire to help me and to direct me, even when that direction is "take a nap and I'll take care of the vacuuming today."

The freedom comes with a price, though. The power exchange relationship must be front-loaded with negotiation to bring about the environment in which the trust level is such that surrender is possible. If I cannot trust you, or your actions prove to me that my trust is misplaced, then I will not be able to surrender. If I cannot surrender, cannot give you my whole trust, I am cheating us both.

When I think of the things I miss most about being in service, the sense of freedom and peace from surrendering to the will of the owner is right up there in the top ten. I look forward to the day when I can once again live the life I once did...the one where this kind of surrender was a part and parcel of my relationship.

Shari Malin