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The journal prompt that arrived in my inbox this morning asked what is the hardest thing in your life. I didn't think much about it right away and didn't think I'd be writing about it until I got a message from someone and a package in the mail.
The message was from a former owner, as was the package, though it was addressed from his fiancé. Neither the message nor the package were really what got me thinking about the journal prompt. Instead, it was my reaction to the message and package.
The hardest thing for me is to let go. I hold on to people, but worse, I hold on to hurt and anger. I wish there were an easy way to let go of these things. I wish I could turn off the hurt and anger as easily as others seem to do. I wish I didn't feel the need to be better, prettier, thinner, more than I was before I was hurt. I wish I could move on.
Perhaps it's a matter of not really knowing how I could have done things differently. Maybe it's a matter of lack of closure. Maybe a subconscious part of me thrives on the pain and anger.
I want to let go. I want to be happy and healthy. I don't want to harbor these feelings anymore.
I release them. I banish them. I have moved on from them. No more thoughts of petty revenge or one upsmanship. I will be happy with myself.
Shari Malin
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