Document from My Writing Spot: My search to find a

My search to find a power exchange relationship part 1

It was only after I was certain my heart had healed enough to be healthy that I decided to seek out a new power exchange relationship. The last, while not ending poorly, had done some damage to my state of mind and it took time for me to find peace with it.

Once I had done the internal work of repairing my heart and opening it to the possibility of finding a relationship again, I considered carefully what I was truly searching for. The impetus for the ad I finally constructed was actually several discussions I read and in which I participated on FetLife regarding the fair exchange--or not so fair--that must be part and parcel of a healthy relationships.

I realized that in the past I had not carefully articulated what I offered to an owner and what I needed to receive in return. I fell victim to the idea that a servant should just be pleased that he or she is in service and that a power exchange relationship was one in which there are inherent inequalities. It has taken me nearly eleven years of active participation in our community to finally realize what bunk that is.

Why should I not expect the same care and consideration which I offer to an owner? Why should I push my needs and desires entirely to the side in favor of meeting every whim an owner might express? The answer is simple. I shouldn't.

I began to restructure my ISO post and profile by clearly and simply stating "What I seek and what I offer." I feel that such a statement helps mitigate the possibility of misunderstandings. From there I clearly stated what I am in search of. I used broad terms to address my emotional and physical needs so as to not limit the possible connections. I then carefully expressed what I offered in return for having my stated needs met.

The end result is a two paragraph post in which my needs and my skills are listed. The language is broad and easily applicable to multiple candidates. I have included this advertisement below.

What I Seek and What I Offer

I am seeking a power exchange relationship in which I serve an owner as a full member of his life. I want to be emotionally connected to the owner and share in more than his kink. I want to share his life. I seek a relationship that goes beyond the bedroom and into the rest of the world. I seek an owner who will judiciously use the ruthless obedience I offer to improve his life and connect with me. I seek an owner who will care for me and my needs as I care for him and his. I seek an owner who will not fear love as a sign of weakness, but embrace it as a symbol of strength. I seek an owner who will be sexually compatible with me and who will be a generous lover. I seek an owner who will be as transparent with me as I am with him. I seek an owner who will value my trust by being truthful with me at all times.

I offer myself as an intelligent and competent woman. I offer my skills as a writer, organizer, and general servant. I offer ruthless obedience and loyalty. I offer my attention to detail. I offer my care and concern and possibly my love. I offer everything I am and everything I can become. I offer transparency in all areas of myself. I offer my trust and my honesty.

If you're interested or if you have questions, I hope you will consider contacting me.

After I posted this ad in several places, I received positive feedback from individuals who were not interested in a relationship, but who liked this approach. I then took the next important step in my search.

I picked up Jack Rinella's book, Becoming a Slave. I had read this book once before. I believe it was in 2007. I like Jack's writing because he tends to cut through the bull and get right to the heart of an issue. Becoming a Slave is no exception to this structure.

In the first several chapters I saw that while I had done a lot of the things Jack and Patrick suggest, there were several tasks I still had not tackled. I had examined myself and defined my service. I had clearly defined my needs and desires. I had looked at past relationships and examined what I could learn from them. What I hadn't done was prepare myself for a service relationship.

I have debts that I am struggling to pay. That means I have two jobs. I also have two small dogs and a parent who since the death of my dad has depended more and more on me. All these factors mean that there are impediments to my being available to an owner. For example, I'm a not averse to moving, but right now I don't have the money to do so. I'm also not certain how my mother would take me leaving the area again.

But these are not insurmountable issues. I am flexible about driving to see an owner and spend weekends with him. I can make plans and move in time. My mother will learn to live without me if I decide to leave the area again.

Despite these areas of ill preparation, I have begun the process of interviewing possible owners. So far I've responded to about two dozen ads on various sites and replied to several who have answered my ad. The process from is part two of this series and will be forth coming.