Jan. 31st, 2002 at 5:31 PM

I have a feeling that i will be looking again for a Dom soon. JD did something that truly hurt me today. I know that technically he doesn't realize what he's done, but just the same, the source is one that I will not have as a part of my life.
Arribeth sent me an email and asked about JD. I called to ask him what i should tell her. He said he'd have to think about it.
All that soulsearching i did the other day was apparently not in vain. I cannot believe that i was wrong, damnit. i really believed that he'd say that i was being silly, that his asking me to be exclusively his sub that meant he would not seek another sub. When he didn't do that, when he said he had to think about it....
i can't even articulate the pain right now. I did it again. i trusted someone. i took them at their word and assumed the best and most honorable of them and they stomped on me again.
Maybe there is an explaination. Maybe it was just because he couldn't discuss it right then. But i heard the interest in his voice.