Thoughts today

• Jan. 13th, 2006 at 12:01 AM

He makes me think. He forces me to consider new angles on ideas. I heard him talk about me to other people for the first time tonight and I was happy with what I heard. I am a project...I can live with that because I know he would not waste his time if he did not see value in working with and training me.

I'll be attending a DSCarolina party with him on Saturday. I'm a little nervous...more because I haven't been to a lifestyle event in years and I'm always uncomfortable around strangers than anything else. But there's part of me terrified to be around people who know Richard.

I've chosen a semi-formal dress to wear for the evening. It's red and fitted with a cowl neckline and flowing hem. I want to be both beautiful and refined. I don't know what I'll be doing at the party other than being of service to him. I want to look elegant, not slutty for this. I asked what attire would be appropriate and he said whatever I was comfortable in. I want him to be proud of me, to be proud with me.

He talks to me about other women in his life and other than those brief twinges of "damn I wish I'd been able to try that" I'm okay with it.

He thanks me, genuinely, for my service. He touches me with tenderness. He confuses me. He helps me clarify my own thoughts.

He allows me to serve. He demands my service.

I talked to him about how Rick thinks I should be afraid of him. I explained that I'm not afraid of him. I may feel fear for some things he may wish to do to me, but I don't fear him. He will do exactly as he says he will and I can trust that. I am comfortable with him.