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First, what follows is a description of a REWARD. J has been so pleased with my performance that he chose to give to me something I told him was a fantasy.
**Warning**
Frank discussion of seemingly non-consensual behavior behind the cut. Do NOT read if such things upset you.
When I met J (and I cannot believe it has been less than a week since I was brave enough to call a complete stranger on the phone), he asked what my fantasies were. I told him that many of them included an element of non-consent. He mentioned at the time bringing another dominant into my training and just allowing this man to come into my home at his pleasure and take me...do whatever he wished with me. While I believed he would do such a thing, I never imagined it would be this quickly.
Last night, J came over (I have seen him and spent significant time with him every day since I met him). I prepared his meal (steak and teriyaki shrimp on the grill, whole green beans sautéed with garlic and Portobello mushrooms, lemon charlotte royal for desert). I offered him wine (I took a crash course in what wine to serve and how to serve it--I'd had only half an hour to prepare the meal), but he said that while he appreciated the offer and the completeness of the meal, he had plans for me later and refused to imbibe even a little when he planned to engage in WIITWD. He laid down several lengths of beautiful black braided nylon rope and left me wondering what he could possibly have planned.
He praised the meal. He praised my performance during the week. He indicated he felt well-cared for and comfortable with me. I'm not especially good at accepting compliments, but hearing these made me smile and warmed my whole body.
At one point (and I admit to the entire evening becoming a blur after serving dinner), he pulled me across his lap and spanked me. He laughed and said, "See what being a good girl gets you? You do everything right and get beat for it just because I wanted to beat your ass."
We watched Underworld for a bit and then he went out for "donuts." I did tell him I believed the Krispy Kreme was closed for renovations, but he went to see for himself. I stayed in the house and awaited his return, happily curled up in the corner of the couch.
When he returned, he asked me to prepare a cup of coffee (with the amount of coffee he drinks, I need to buy a regular coffee pot. I've never had one because I don't drink coffee. One cup at a time just doesn't cut it anymore). In the midst of doing so, he stepped into the dinning room where I was working and said one word…"kneel." I didn't know for certain, so I went with literal commands and stayed where I was (across the room from him), and knelt immediately. He really has a nice smile when he's pleased.
He let me feel his tawse at one point as well. He held it out to show it to me and I commented that it was very nice, but I was only speaking of aesthetics. One taste and I was no longer dealing only in aesthetics.
Later (and again, the order is mixed in my mind…everything from the end of dinner until my front door opened is a little jumbled), I stood in the living room as he walked around me, asking me to repeat definitions (which I flubbed completely…I had the gyst, but not the exact wording) and talked about bondage being the most dangerous activity we engage in. He was telling me he planned a predicament bondage…leaving me helpless while he used needles on me (knowing I'm petrified of needles but would give that to him if he wanted it). He had just said, "Needles aren't a limit for me," when I heard the front door open (my back was to it and I was looking at J who was to my right—the door was behind and to the left). I had only the impression of a large, dark body stepping through the door.
In the next instant, a hand was wrapped in my hair and I was being dragged across the room to my bedroom door. He opened the door, shoved me through it and pushed it nearly closed behind us. I heard one word…"Strip."
My hands shook as I unbuttoned my blouse and pulled it off, unhooked my bra and desperately tried to get out of my pants without falling. He shoved me forward over the edge of my bed.
Other than a few disjointed clear spots, the next hour or so is a complete blur. I was raped, humiliated, bitten, tortured…I cried through quite a lot of it, though most vehemently when he tried to get me to call myself either a pig or a cow. I refused and earned a vicious bite on my nipple for my refusal. I wasn't allowed to scream though I wanted to desperately.
Just as J has always seemed to alternate tenderness with cruelty (or sadism would be more accurate), this still anonymous man did the same. One moment he would be doing something so excruciating I thought I was going to die. The next he would whisper, "breathe," and hold my head to his chest. The contrast was as much of a "mind f*ck" as the rest of the evening had been.
When he left me (blindfolded and desperately masturbating at his command), J came into the room and sat on my bed. When he told me I could stop what the other man had told me to do, I thanked him, curled into his lap and sobbed. He held me, stroked my hair and my back, and let me finish crying. He said, again, "See what being a good girl gets you?" and I thanked him for his gift.
J later said (and I'm still foggy on the sequence), "I never left you." He was right in more ways than I believe he might have meant at the time. Throughout the experience, I could hear J typing in the living room (where he was chatting on the computer). I knew he was in the next room. I knew in my intellectual mind that he had prepared the man who had taken me so brutally because the man had spoken to me of things I'd discussed with J and had known where my bedroom was. And still further, I knew he was listening, could hear the screams that escaped, the sobs, and knew he enjoyed just those sorts of things. The fact that J wanted this experience both for me and from me gave me significant comfort and a certain amount of strength to continue to obey this stranger who was violating my body and reaching for my mind.
When all was finished, the tears had stopped and the trembling eased, J left me to dress and returned to the living room. When I joined him there, I met Master P. I served them coffee and listened to J compliment my service throughout the week to P. The two men chatted about different things while I came slowly back to the real world. At one point J sat beside me on the couch and pulled me into his arms. He rubbed my back and caressed my hair. They both told me I was beautiful several times during the rest of the evening.
When he left, J asked if I needed him to stay. I was honest and said I didn't "need" it. I would have loved had he stayed, but I was calm and had collected myself sufficiently to sleep peacefully through the rest of the night. P was a gentleman in the living room and solicitous of my well-being.
I slept last night, a little fitfully at first, then deeper. I had strange dreams that I don't remember now. But I am fine. I am unharmed (though a little sore and achy). While I may not have "consented" to the specifics of the evening at the time, I certainly consented to the evening when I told J of my fantasies and gave myself over to him in service. Nothing illegal occurred and I am unharmed and happy.
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