What Dreams May Come

I woke this morning from the kind of dream that makes me wish I could turn over and go back without ever waking again. It was everything I want, everything I need, and everything I fear will never happen.

I was in service to a family. I cared for them individually, from parents to children. I cared for their guests when they visited. I worked in their various businesses as a treasured employee as well as recruiter and trainer. I also recruited and trained for their household staff.

I was treasured. I was valued. I was cared for. I was loved. I was honored and I was honorable. In short, I served.

I know that this dream comes from my thoughts of service as a vocation and the emotional state I seem to always find myself in when I read any of Laura's books. But knowing those things doesn't make my desires any less real or the pain I felt upon waking any less sharp.

The situation in the dream was exactly what I really want. A family to serve. One who will value me and my service and USE my skills. One who will allow me to love them, will love me in return, but not enmesh either of us in being "in love" with one another.

I know this will be on my mind for some time to come. It is the first time I've dreamed such an exact situation with me as the central servant rather than an observer. I am the only one who can make any of this happen. I am the only one who can be open to finding the right situation and I am. I know what I want. I know what I need. Now I need to find it.