Just waiting :)

Sep. 13th, 2002 at 6:15 PM

to hear from you so that I know when you'll be arriving. I really have missed you this week. You have no idea what it means to hear your voice and know that you missed me too.

I can think of all sorts of things to help you relax. The stress and strain in your voice last night was hard for me to hear because I couldn't do anything to make it go away. Tonight I can and will.

R offered something this afternoon after I talked to you. If you like, you can stay here for a couple of days (ie the two days you have off or if you wanted any other time). It was strange to hear him offer that and hear how much he meant it when he said he thought it would be a good idea...give us time to spend without either of us having to be somewhere else. He really likes you...respects you and is impressed by the way you treat me. It makes it so much easier for me to see you when he's this comfortable. While I know, deep down, that you staying here for any length of time (more than an over night) is likely not going to happen, the fact that he offered is important. We had a room mate once. We both swore never again. But he's comfortable enough with you to offer you space in our home for a somewhat extended time...that's a big thing for him.

I so very much want to take some pictures of you. I hope you'll let me :D.

I'm rambling today, sorry. A lot of things rolling around in my brain right now. Hope to hear from you soon.
Groups:Griffin, family, Victoria

Just waiting :)

Sep. 13th, 2002 at 6:15 PM

to hear from you so that I know when you'll be arriving. I really have missed you this week. You have no idea what it means to hear your voice and know that you missed me too.

I can think of all sorts of things to help you relax. The stress and strain in your voice last night was hard for me to hear because I couldn't do anything to make it go away. Tonight I can and will.

R offered something this afternoon after I talked to you. If you like, you can stay here for a couple of days (ie the two days you have off or if you wanted any other time). It was strange to hear him offer that and hear how much he meant it when he said he thought it would be a good idea...give us time to spend without either of us having to be somewhere else. He really likes you...respects you and is impressed by the way you treat me. It makes it so much easier for me to see you when he's this comfortable. While I know, deep down, that you staying here for any length of time (more than an over night) is likely not going to happen, the fact that he offered is important. We had a room mate once. We both swore never again. But he's comfortable enough with you to offer you space in our home for a somewhat extended time...that's a big thing for him.

I so very much want to take some pictures of you. I hope you'll let me :D.

I'm rambling today, sorry. A lot of things rolling around in my brain right now. Hope to hear from you soon.
Groups:Griffin, family, Victoria

I stopped at Priscilla's today and saw something that was rather interesting...it was a "make your own dildo" kit. Just tickled me...too bad it was so expensive. Heaven knows I thought about it hard :D.

I'm sorry my stress seems to have worn off on you. I hope that things will settle down for you. I'd love to be able to take you to the beach on Sunday, get you out in the sun and sand and help you relax. Of course if you're too tired for that, I can think of other, less strenuous ways to help you let go of your stress.

I've missed you something terrible this week. I wish I could have done something this evening to help take the strain from your voice. You know I'd drive up there to help you clean and pack if you needed it.

I'll bring you anything you like when I come tomorrow. I hope you'll like the baked ziti and I'll see about making you chili to eat this week.

Today was calm for the most part. Took me forever to get Keith and Theresa to leave and I was running late, but it all worked out in the end.

I will absolutely call you when I get up in the morning. You know I'd love to see you. I hope you are doing okay. Your IM sounded a bit down. I miss you something terrible :D.

Thankfully, my cycle is fully over and even the residual pain has faded. Everything can go back to normal now :). I do have to tell you that I have not been taking my bag with me when I go to Fayetteville. I've been afraid I'd get searched. I will, however, bring it when I see you tomorrow. The MPs haven't been opening anything in my car thus far anyway.

What do you think of the beach idea? Get you out in the sun and sand and help you relax...maybe go for a nice dinner afterward...maybe stay the night? Let me know. I'd love for you to join us.

Tuesday Morning

Sep. 10th, 2002 at 9:15 AM

Well, the "Remember 9/11" posts are flooding my inbox. As though I could forget.

Every day I think about us being at war, how it is strange to know that former students are in Afghanistan, and how terrified I am of you being deployed.

I know I said there was something about your deployment status I needed to talk to you about, it is only this. If and when that time comes (and realistically I know it will), I would ask that you please give my name and contact information to someone who is on your "official" notification list (ie, your family) so that God forbid something should happen to you, I would know. You could give them "our" name (both R and me) so it wouldn't seem as strange. I just don't want to hear your name on the radio in Fayetteville. I hope you can understand why I would ask something like this. You are a part of my life, my friend (with benefits :D ) and I care about you.
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Sep. 10th, 2002

9:40 PM

The closer we get to the anniversary, the harder my heart seems to become. I'm avoiding the television, avoiding the discussions. I don't want to talk about the war.

I will NEVER forget. I have always supported the military and our war against those who would harm us. I just cannot watch the memorials, cannot see those towers struck by planes and fall in a cloud of dust and flame.

I know you are feeling down. One thing I know I will do tomorrow is to tell those I care about how much they mean to me. That includes you. You blew into my life, filled a space in my life that was aching for someone like you, and I want you to know that your friendship is very important to me. You talk to me, don't treat me like an idiot. That's important.

Sleep well tonight. Know that all you ever need do is call me and I will be there for you.

I got a phone call today from someone I have not heard from in about 3 years. This woman had been a member of the coven R and I used to have and left under less than friendly terms. Out of the blue she calls today. Asks a bunch of questions, most of which I answered very guardedly.

The only good thing about the call was it stopped the crying jag I was on. I am having the worst morning. I missed two deadlines in my training class over the weekend (misread the due date). I am trying to finish the New Hire Packet of information to get it to them by wednesday and I have been downloading one file for 20 minutes and can't get one of the others to print.

R left the car "on" over the weekend so the battery was dead this morning. It still isn't fixed and he's driving it with no brake lights.

Can I have permission to just sit in a corner and bang my head against a wall today?

Sep. 8th, 2002

6:33 PM

Colleen and her girls just left. I think I'm exhausted. I don't remember the last time I spent so much time with anyone's children. They were sweet kids, but gosh I'm glad I don't have any of my own.

You got lucky, Sir. You were out of town for my cycle. It's been a bad one. I was in tears Friday night. The pain hasn't been this bad in a very long time. But I think it's nearly over.

I'm missing you. Hoping to hear from you soon. I also hope you'll be able to attend the Collaring on the 21st. I know Keith and Theresa would like for you to be there.
Groups:Griffin, family, Victoria
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Something You Offered

Sep. 8th, 2002 at 7:37 PM

You asked me if weight loss was something I wanted. When I said yes, you said it was something you could help me with. Are you still up to that challenge? Let me know.
Groups:communities, bitchlist, Victoria
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Feeling Weepy

Sep. 8th, 2002 at 9:13 PM

I'm not even entirely sure why, but I feel like crying tonight.

It's almost like my soul knows something is wrong and my head hasn't caught on yet. There's no reason I know of that I should feel this way tonight.
Groups:Griffin, communities, peopleiknow, bitchlist, Victoria
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It's Getting Late

Sep. 8th, 2002 at 11:50 PM

and I'm still not asleep. I don't know where this insomnia is coming from but it is frustrating as heck. I've been missing you today, hoping you'd call.

I don't want to be a bother or a burden. You are free to tell me you need more space at any time. I've been spoiled these past two weeks because I've seen you so often. I like spending time with you. Even Friday when you slept most of the day was a wonderful time for me. To know you trust me enough to sleep when I am with you means a lot to me.

At least I don't seem to be feeling weepy any more. I'm getting tired, maybe I'll be able to get some sleep soon.
Groups:Griffin, family, Victoria