Feeling left out...

Aug. 2nd, 2006 at 8:54 AM

Lately I've been feeling very isolated. After my melt-down at July 4th only Vi has been normal toward me again. I've gotten the feeling that somewhere along the way I got blamed for making Victoria upset and making things worse than they were despite me only answering the questions Victoria asked me.

Now with Jarrett's birthday passing without a card or gift from either Kathryn or Victoria, I have this sneaking suspicion that there have been plans made to acknowledge his birthday in some big way but that I have been excluded from the planning and likely from the plans as well. I hate feeling this way.
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Bratty behavior

Aug. 2nd, 2006 at 9:15 AM

So I'm reading this thread in collarme's message boards about bratty behavior and I find myself thinking these ugly, nasty, deragatory and catty thoughts.

From the moment I met her, K has behaved in an escalating bratty way. The incidents and specifics of her bratty behavior have increased in frequency and severity in the last seven months. Her current favorite thing to shout at J when he tells her to do something is a toss up between "Release!" and "I'm not a slave." What I don't get and have never understood is why J puts up with this from her. Were I to behave as she does, he'd knock me into next week. I get the disappointed look if something on the enormous list of responsibilities I have isn't done perfectly. She can run around (literally) acting like a complete fool and he "rewards" her by "punishing" her. I quote these terms because what she wants is attention and doesn't seem to care in what form it is given. Hence his punishments are rewards. I don't care how much she cries or yells or pleads for him to stop the punishment...five minutes later she's up and acting stupid again and bragging about whatever it is he's done to punish her.

I've tried talking to J about how it makes me feel to know that he expects nothing of her, allows this behavior from her and even encourages it by rewarding her with attention when she acts out. Either he doesn't get it or he doesn't care. I don't think either of them really give a shit about how their relationship affects anyone else. I'm sure they don't care how I feel being the one who has to work so hard to keep things going forward while they play and have fun.
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Motivation for Bratty Behavior

Aug. 2nd, 2006 at 9:25 AM

I don't get it...never have. Why behave in any manner other than with dignity and decorum? Why choose to be deliberately bratty...to deliberately disobey...to deliberately flout the authority you claim to crave?

And on the other side...why accept such behavior from someone who has said to you, "I want to be under your authority"?
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Aug. 2nd, 2006

11:26 AM

Just my pals:
Sir Winston Churchill
Posted in [info]qotdrss on 2006.08.02 at 12:29

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Sir_Winston_Churchill
"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

Wow...i've certainly felt this way LOL.
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Things I Hate

Aug. 2nd, 2006 at 11:40 AM

Things I hate:

Being the only one in the room working (when others claim to serve the one I serve and are present).
Being told to clean up the play space after Sir plays with someone else.
Being ignored.
Being told not to be invisible then being ignored.
Being responsible for someone else's refusal to take personal responsibility.
Being forced to witness the constant attention-seeking behavior of another knowing that should I behave in that manner I would be severely punished.
Being responsible for footing the bill for things, having someone tell me they think it's wrong that I do so, but then having the same person take money from me in the form of accepting gifts/services/gas from a third person knowing full well that the money comes from me.

Basically this all breaks down to this...I hate the inequality inherent in power exchange relationships which involve more than two people.

And YES, I'm feeling a little bitchy today...blame it on a lack of sleep and an enormous pile of work waiting for me at the house.