Assumptions

Aug. 23rd, 2006 at 9:23 AM

Kinda stolen fromarchers_elegant
When I tell people I'm tired, they always assume I'm upset.
When I tell people I'm venting, they always assume I need them to take what I'm getting rid of seriously.
When I tell people I'm okay with poly relationships, they always assume I am lying.
When I tell people I'm fine, they always assume J upset me in some way.
When I tell people I'm just quiet, they always assume I'm cold and/or indifferent.


Assumptions are strange things. I know that people who meet me only in highly structured situations like big leather events where J is also in attendance assume that I'm either cold or upset when the truth is that I am 1) shy around new people and big crowds and 2) really very busy trying to balance both my obligations and J's. Add to those two things the fact that our schedule is usually such that I get very little sleep leading up to and during any leather event and I look and feel exhausted in addition to being intimidated by the crowds and "big name" people I spend my days around at such events.

It bothers me that so many people look at me and think J has done some horrible thing to make me sad. Truth be know, sure he can be a jerk, but more often than not my demeanor is a result of being painfully shy, uncomfortable around people I don't know (especially since the leather community seems to be such a "toucy-feely-huggy" group and I don't particularly like being touched by people I don't know...I used to cry when the man measured my feet for new shoes for heaven's sake) and being just flat out exhausted.

For those of you I will see at World...please understand that right now my house is a disaster area because we're desperately trying to get enough products completed to make a decent showing as a vendor. I have half the number of whips I wanted to take with me because I've sold so many since I got back from the M/s conference. I still haven't packed. I still have laundry to do. I still have to come in to work tomorrow before we leave. I'm a little more than stressed and that stress is going to triple when I get to Philly where I'm responsible for the vending, keeping J on schedule, helping the other J and J understand our book-keeping and credit card software, being personable as a gold sponsor...etc. etc. etc. If I look harried or tired, I am but it's not anyone's fault.