Dreams

I've often dreamed of being in service again. Last night I had one of those dreams. This dream differed from others in two small, but significant ways. The first is that my subconscious mind put a familiar face on the person to who, in was bound in service. It was a person I admire a great deal and who I would enjoy serving if I thought for half a moment they would be interested in such service. The second difference was the gender of the individual to whom I was tied. On the past my dreams have always been of being in service to men or organizations. Last night's dream showed merge joy of being in service to a woman. A GQ woman, but a woman nonetheless.

I miss the connection to an owner. I miss the joy of service. I miss the calm that comes from knowing my presence in an owner's life brings them peace and joy.

I know I'm not gay. But I also know I'm attracted to power more than anything else. I'm rambling now because I just don't know what my brain is trying to tell me about what I need in my life.