I found this in my office, hand written on a piece of notebook paper.

This afternoon saw my second "official" scene with JD. It was our first entirely private scene as well. JD had mentioned over the weekend that he expected me to "strip and be on my best subbie behavior" from now on when I visited for more than a few minutes. This admonition did not keep me from hesitating at his couch b3efore a stern look prompted me to comply.

I find it amazing how JD embodies so many contradictions. He can be both infinitely gentle and visciously brutal in the same gesture. This dichotomy was extensively demonstrated today. With one hand he gently held my back while the bite of the whip in his other hand took my breath away. His hands caressed and stung with barely a breath between. His voice in my eart telling me of his pleasure at my submission while the heat built in my body from his blows... I cannot use the trite comparisson of fire and ice bcause not a moment of his presence was cold, yet there was both softness and strength in his every move.

He tells me that I am unlike any other submissives he has ever had. He makes allowences for me that he has not done for others. Apparently he has never before allowed a submissive to look him in the eyse during a scene yet he did not reprimand me for doing so. He commented on it, forcing me to admit it had not occurred to me that I should not look at him. I love the look of pleasure on someone's face. Seeing him enjoy my touch is something I treasure. He did not tell me I couldn't look at him so I continued to do so.

He told me I'd made him happy today and asked me what he could do in return. I admitted to him that I craved his touch and loved the feel of being pressed against him.

The feel of his body behind me as he pulled me against him is heavenly. He makes me feel safe and charished in that embrace. Even when that embrace is used as a part of his dichotomy, it is pleasurable and safe.

I will admit to prefering JD's gentle touches to the harsher handling, but at the same time there are things he does that just send me flying. His hand on my hair, caressing softly and then grasping firmly to pull my head back...His teeth grazing and nipping my skin...His grip on my flesh, holding me for his pleasure. All of these things send shivers down my spine.