November 02, 2013 at 06:44AM

via Facebook I just woke up from a dream about a certain someone. In the dream, as in life, I realized I was never going to be a priority to this person and I said all the angry and painful thing I kept to myself the night "he broke it off". That night I suffered through three hours of mostly unanswered texts. I told him I was driving and yet for my entire 40 minute commute he continued with the litany of all I had done wrong. I chose not to respond for several reasons, primarily because I felt it would do no good as he was clearly not really interested in what I had to contribute if he could carry on this one-sided text conversation for that long. If he'd stopped and been willing to listen, this is what I had wanted to tell him and discuss to possibly find a solution. I feel as though when it is my time to be with you, something else is always more important and I am pushed aside. I feel as though I rank somewhere after wiping your ass as a priority. I feel as though I am being left out of discussions and plans when I find out about things either last minute or after they happen. I feel as though, no matter what you say, your primary partner doesn't want me around and is on a pointed campaign to ensure I'm miserable. Instead of saying these things, I listened to the three hour laundry list of things I had done or not done. You caused drama to get my attention. You don't keep us informed. You don't try to be available. You are passive aggressive. You are rude to my primary. You don't care that I have other priorities. You refuse to address me with the honorific I prefer. I had answers to each of these but I realized that the answers didn't matter. Obviously he had decided I was to blame. I wasn't going to change his mind and so I let it go. I let him wrap up his text stream by breaking up with me. But, as in the dream, there was at least one more time when he tried to enforce his will on me and basically threw a tantrum when I politely explained that his orders didn't hold weight with me any longer. When I removed him and his primary from my Facebook, he got angry. I calmly explained I had removed him because I didn't want to have his face showing up in my chat list all day every day and I didn't want to have to continue to censor myself because he would read what I wrote. When he asked why I had removed his primary, I was honest and blunt. Anyone who tells me that they feel as though I'm not worth talking to about something for which she "punished" me for three weeks, I don't need them in my life. If it's easier to "put me in the fuck off category" than to ask me about something that turned out to be HIS fault entirely, then expect it to be emotionally easy for me to sever all ties. I expected the distance with him to be temporary-just until the thought of seeing him on FB in my chat list every day didn't make me feel hurt-and we could at least be friends and continue to work toward the goals we had developed for the leather family, but after his tantrum, I was removed from the "leather family." I guess this long-ass thing boils down to this...don't think you can throw me away and then continue to play pretend with me. If you aren't willing to listen to me when we are "in a relationship" you should know I won't listen to you when we aren't. I don't hate him. I don't think he's a bad person. I know we weren't a good match and while I might personally think it unlikely for several reasons, I hope he finds what he seems to be seeking.