Questions to ask you

There is so much I don't know about you and I'm curious (okay, nosey). But I also respect your feelings about privacy. Perhaps the way to solve this is to ask that you share with me some of your past, your future plans, what you want from life in general.

I think right now, my brain is too scrambled to really do much more writing. I'll attack it again in the morning. It sometimes takes me days (and even weeks...there's a scene in my brain I still haven't processed) to process feelings, emotions and physcial responses to intense moments like those we shared this afternoon. In the morning, I'll have a clearer head and be better able to articulate my thoughts.
2 commentsLeave a commentEdit EntryEdit TagsAdd to MemoriesTrack ThisLink
Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
shareinnc (66.57.220.217)
Aug. 19th, 2002 04:28 pm (local)

response
I will use your name to respond to these if I respond to them at all. I am very impressed. With the amount of work and thought you have put into all of this. If you want to know about my past and such..ask, if I do not want to share than I will tell you. By the way, who all can read these responses?
Link | Reply | Thread | Edit | Delete | Screen | Freeze | Track This Select:
shareinnc (67.251.119.119)
Aug. 20th, 2002 04:23 am (local)
Re: response
I'd love to know about your family, your past, your dreams and plans for the future. You mentioned you were married once...that piqued my curiosity. I'm nosey...sorry. I'm curious to know about you, what makes you who you are.
Link | Reply | Parent | Thread | Edit | Delete | Screen | Freeze | Track This Select:

Fantasies

I don't know how many "fantasies" I really have. There are some things I think would be wonderful to try, but is that really a fantasy?

I'd love to part of a sub/slave auction...I think. The reality may be a little too scary.
I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be double penetrated by two men, rather than latex and a man.
I enjoy being an exhibitionist.

I need to think on this one a little more and come back to it.
2 commentsLeave a commentEdit EntryEdit TagsAdd to MemoriesTrack ThisLink
Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
shareinnc (66.57.220.217)
Aug. 19th, 2002 04:33 pm (local)

response
I liked the way you did this one. As far as the fantasies go....
1. Sub/slave auction.....enlighten me...I have heard of them...never been or particapated in one.
2. DP by 2 guys is one we can make happen. But only when I can ensure your safty and your ability to handle the situation.
3. As far as showing yoru body...that will be dictated by me. (ok..my spelling sucks, lol)
Link | Reply | Thread | Edit | Delete | Screen | Freeze | Track This Select:
shareinnc (67.251.119.119)
Aug. 20th, 2002 04:28 am (local)
Re: response
Sub/slave auctions: I've never participated in one either. I've heard of them and the idea intregues me. The utter abandonment of control, first to my own Sir and next to the one who buys me is what interests me about it.

I think the raciest thing I wear in public is an outfit like the one I wore on Friday BEFORE the pool ;). Generally I'm pretty conservative in my dress, especially for work. Play parties have always been a different thing. The last one I went to, I was with R...my Dom could not come. I dressed conservatively. The one before that, I was with my Dom. I wore my black gown until he decided to scene with me, at which point I wore only a collar and a blindfold. I am perfectly happy with your decisions when it comes to who will see me and how much will be seen.

Fears

The speed with which the relationship is progressing scares me a bit. It isn't that I don't want it to move forward, but I am gunshy and worried that without soe time to know each other we will find ourselves to be incompatible after I've begun to care for you.

I'm afraid to surrender completely because I don't know you yet. A part of me is still waiting for the ugly word or comment designed to strip my self-esteem and leave me vulnerable to manipulation. This isn't a comment on what I believe of you, merely a fear I carry from hard experience.

I'm afraid that my nature, which is to care for and about the people in my life, will scare you away.

I'm afraid that I will disappoint you. Perhaps you have a skewed vision of who I am and the truth will not be to your liking.

I have all of the fears I normally have when it comes to the beginning of a relationship...am I really going to be a part of your life or am I going to be a toy--forgotten when it isn't time to play? Will you find my idiosyncacies too much to deal with and walk away without another word?

I'm insecure because so many times I've trusted someone only to be hurt. The last man with whom I was talking and forming a relationship (I thought) told me he couldn't decide between a relationship with me or getting a used corvette. My last Dom treated me like a Wednesday afternoon fling, a toy to pack into his bag and use when he felt like it.

I may need some reassurances sometimes. Sometimes all I need is to hear the words, "Everything is okay and I'm still happy with you as a part of my life." I'll be sure to let you know when those times come.
2 commentsLeave a commentEdit EntryEdit TagsAdd to MemoriesTrack ThisLink
Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
shareinnc (66.57.220.217)
Aug. 19th, 2002 04:47 pm (local)

response
Know that I will not be like the rest. I have an understanding of who you are and like I told you...the core of you is good....the rest will be molded to serve me. You will be my sub and I will treat you as we have discussed. There will be no forgetting you exist.........although alone time for me is not abandonment. So far you have impressed me extremely. Your ability and desire to please and serve is very impressive. If you think we are maybe moving to fast then you need to approach me with it. As I have yet to give you a name, I will just call you sub until we decide on one for you. Sub, I am your Master, your Lover, your Friend. Above all else your friend. When you offered yourself as my Sub and I accepted, I agreed to look after you and make sure you were safe. I would put my own life in the way to protect you. As you have seen already in my response to situation you were uncomfortable with that you asked my input on. That being said......KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!! Master
Link | Reply | Thread | Edit | Delete | Screen | Freeze | Track This Select:
shareinnc (67.251.119.119)
Aug. 20th, 2002 04:33 am (local)
Re: response
Well, I think we've covered most of this one elsewhere.

I absolutely understand the need for time alone. I am the same way. It is the weeks of no contact that I cannot handle. Again, these fears are MINE, not necessarily anything I think you would do.

Reasonable Rules

This is somewhat difficult for me to answer because I have never had "rules" before and so I don't really know what is or is not reasonable.
Well, this is what I thought of. Please let me know if this is what you had in mind.

Behavioral rules like where to sit/stand when we are together (I know you mentioned this several times, I think it's perfectly reasonable).
Definition and delineation of appropriate actions and speech for particular situations.
Phone calls and check-ins.
This journal.
Clothing and jewelry choices.

I'm sure I'll add to this list...this is all my tired brain can come up with this evening.
2 commentsLeave a commentEdit EntryEdit TagsAdd to MemoriesTrack ThisLink
Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
shareinnc (66.57.220.217)
Aug. 19th, 2002 05:09 pm (local)

response
You know where you are to sit and stand.
You will always mind the manner and tone when you talk to me. When asked a question,, I am called Sir but it does not have to be Sir every other word.
Before you get in bed you will ask permission to enter, unless I tell you just to get in, and permission to leave. You will always be touching me at all times when at my side. Even if just to keep your hand on my ankle or wrist.
I will always have a fresh glass of ice water unless I specify differently. It will never be empty and it will never get old. Replace it if this occurs.
Check ins are not required yet...Only if I deam that they become neccisary
If I have told you to do something through out the day I may and will check. DO NOT DISSAPPOINT ME.
Journal....enough said.
These are just a few that I have answered. I will talk to you and dictate the rest to you. My Thoughts to you....Master


Link | Reply | Thread | Edit | Delete | Screen | Freeze | Track This Select:
shareinnc (67.251.119.119)
Aug. 20th, 2002 04:41 am (local)
Re: response
I'm fine with all of these. Perhaps I am misunderstanding your question... I thought I was to list those things which I found reasonable...You know, the blonde IS natural and sometimes it affects the brain :).

Thank you for the touching requirement...I find myself so much more comfortable when I am in physical contact with someone. And I'm a touchy person with people I like :).

You'll have to show me where things are in your home. The repair man is on his way now to fix our ice maker :).

I can't think of anything else and yet I get the feeling you are expecting something more from me on this one...it must be the hair...

Rant

Okay, if you're not in the mood for a whiny rant, don't click the link :).

So why is it that just driving into the city where the shithead lives leaves me thinking about him and brings the pain back? It's been a month since he decided that his "need to know" policy was a good enough reason to finally dump me and yet I am still angry and still very hurt. It isn't helping that I seem to be seeing more and more of his lies as I review the six months we were together. There's this little part of me that still feels something kind and good toward him but that part is quickly squashed by the battle bitch who protects me when others decide to take advantage of my giving nature. I want to just forget him and move forward, but I don't know how at this point.

Then there's T...have you ever been so completely wrong about someone that you don't even know where to begin? Every reference I checked said T was a nice man...he was quiet, reserved, but nice. BULLSHIT!!!!

Picture this...He comes to our home, has a wonderful time with me serving him for the afternoon in any way he asked. Then disappears for a week online. He's in a funk he says. He's not fit company he says. I believe him and tell him to get back to me when he's done with his funk. At the end of a week of silence, I am about to write him an email when he finally contacts me again. His wife found a wedding invitation. She knows about me now. I'm expecting that she's going to say, "No more D/s relationships."

Well, that's kind of what she said...According to T, she gave him a choice. He could have his D/s relationships or he could have another vintage Corvette. That's all well and good. I'm certainly not going to interfere with someone's marriage. What I didn't need to hear from T was that he was having trouble deciding.

He put me up against an inanimate object...a fucking car...and found me lacking and thought it would be a nice and honest thing to do to tell me so. Fucking Lie To Me, Asshole! I'd rather he lied than tell me I was losing to a piece of metal.

I told him that it was a horrifically hurtful thing to tell me and told him to enjoy his fucking car.

What the hell is it with people? Is it that I'm married and they assume that because I am I cannot be serious about a real relationship with a Dominant? And because they make this assumption they feel justified in taking what I give freely and stomping on me when they find something better?

Then this morning, after I drag myself out of bed at 7 so that my husband's submissive wouldn't have to sit in the driveway if she was early, we get a phone call. It's the submissive, at 10 after 8, calling to say she isn't coming.

I think I am going to sit in a corner today and slam my head against the wall for a while. It will likely do just as much good as anything else I've tried lately.

Today's Events

T came over for lunch today.

I admit I was nervous. I'm not certain why exactly...just the usual jitters I suppose. I'm still worried I might do something, commit some major faux pas and send him running I suppose.

He met R and the two of them chatted for a while as I made the salads. R says he liked T, thought he was a nice man. This is a good thing.

My neck is sore. One of the first things T did was take a moment to do a few things he'd mentioned wanting to do for some time. He grasped my hair, pulled my head to the side and bit my neck HARD. I was a puddle at his feet. When he put his hand on my throat I melted even more. What an amazing sense of posession that act had. I must be honest and say it was a little scary, but I knew I was safe and relaxed right away.

I'm still processing and will write more later.

Leather Views July 7, 2002

Jul. 12th, 2002 at 9:00 AM

This column can be had by getting a subscription to:
LeatherViews
The free weekly column of serious leather sex information and advice.
Feel free to pass this on to a friend, or better yet, ask them to
subscribe. To get your own FREE subscription go to
.

If this column was forwarded to you, please come to our website and
subscribe...

for Issue number 29
Sunday, July 07, 2002

Doing As I Write
by Jack Rinella

As my regular readers probably know, I put a lot of confidence in the
technique of journaling. Regularly writing about one's thoughts, hopes,
and fears helps to clarify them and gives us a tool with which to find
self-understanding as well as solutions and improvements for our daily
lives. Since I'm in a week where my list of possible topics is at a low
ebb, I'm going to take my own advice and do some writing about my current
fantasy.

Before I do, though, I want to emphasize that I'm always open to
suggestions for topics and encourage you to drop me a note as to what you
want to read. The deal is this: if you tell me what you want you'd like to
read about, I'll try and be accommodating. If you don't you'll be stuck
reading (like this week) whatever hits my fancy.

A few weeks ago (on a Tuesday to be exact) Patrick noticed I was somewhat
depressed and quizzed me gently as to why. I admitted that I didn't know.
The down feeling lasted through Wednesday but by dinner time I as able to
admit that I wanted a lover and felt unfulfilled without one.

I shared my feelings about the possibility of creating a new relationship
and Patrick encouraged me to start looking. Perhaps not so coincidentally,
James, my therapist, gave me the same advice. Rather than wait to be
"healed" from the effects of my last breakup (two years ago), he noted
that a new relationship could in fact be part of the healing process.

I had never thought of it that way and he made a lot of sense. Besides, I
could look at my past relationships more clearly now and note what worked
and what didn't, what kind of person I wanted this time, as opposed to the
last several times.

Now many of you will be thinking that I should be happy with my slave
Patrick. I am. You'd say I should love Patrick and I do. The structure of
our relationship, which is very satisfying to both of us, is not one we
want to change. Master and slave we want to remain. In fact, Patrick has
made it clear he doesn't want to become my lover. Hence I find myself
wishing for a lover.

"Careful what you wish for, Jack," I think as I pick up a pen and paper
and try to visualize what that person looks like, acts like, and feels
like. I also wonder how I will act and how I will feel. Getting from here
to there involves change, though what that means only the future will
tell.

My first thought is that my next lover will be a versatile top, perhaps
even another master. I write that because I want a relationship with a
person who enjoys what I enjoy, even possibly everything that I enjoy. If
fact, I want to be able to watch him do what I do and I want us to do it
together.

I've never been in that kind of relationship, though I was close to one
like it when, as Master Lynn's slave, we co-topped a bottom. Not quite the
same but enough that it holds some potential for becoming real. That first
wish, I hope, ensures that we'll be without jealousy and competition,
secure in ourselves and each glad that the other has everything he
desires.

I also say that because I know too well that no one individual can satisfy
another's desires fully. That's why I tend to have multiple relationships.
(Now there's an understatement.)Together all of us provide for each other,
from each according to his abilities to each according to their needs. I
guess that makes it obvious that monogamous men need not apply.

It seems that I am firmly entrenched in my desire to have another man as
my lover. It's a matter of knowing myself. After all, it is my fantasy.

The whole lover idea involves a special kind of sharing. I can smile to
think that means that I fuck one end of a slave while he fucks the other,
but there is much more to it than that. Lovers, you see, are special to
each other in the way they share. At least that's how my fantasy goes.
Their relationship means that there's nothing that can't be said, heard,
felt, and tried within the bond of love that makes their relationship
special.

My dictionary comes in handy here, as I think I'm looking for a peer: "a
person who has equal standing with another, as in rank, class, or age." My
visualization projects that they are responsible, educated, handsome,
confident, generous, out-going, vivacious, and experienced in kink, in
leadership, and in sex. I visualize someone who is free to be themselves,
allows others the same freedom, and has a quiet streak of deeply spiritual
values.

I want to roll around with him in bed, flipping and exchanging roles. I
want to kiss and be kissed and never have to think about image,
appearance, or who's on top and who's on the bottom. I want a man who will
love both of me. Love me when I'm Jack and love me when I'm Joe. He'll be
as comfortable at all sorts of kinky events as he is when he comes to the
school where I teach.

I want to be able to cry on his shoulder and he on mine; to be with one
another through sickness and health, good times and not so good, reverie
and depression; to cruise and flirt and never worry about losing each
other in the crowd.

Oh there's lots of fantasy stuff to add to the mix as well. His smooth
well-muscled body will make me proud to be seen with him. His wit will
match me pun for pun. We'll never worry about whether we appear to be
political correct, are without a date, or whether the other is being
faithful.

It will be a great pleasure to share a quiet dinner, a large dungeon
party, a walk by the lake, or my "seventeen" slaves. He will be a helpmate
in building our family because he likes living in Grand Central Station as
much as I do, even while we plot to run off into the sunset for a time
just for us.

It's fantasy to be sure, but you've got to start somewhere. Patrick
reminds me that I'm not doing much looking and adds that maybe it's time I
start.

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or
visit my website at "". Copyright 2002 by Jack
Rinella, all rights reserved.

* * * * * *

Why not join me at an event some time soon?

July 26-28 Whipstock in Michigan for info: Whipstock2002@aol.com

Aug 9-11 Ms World Leather, Dallas, TX

Aug 19 A presentation on the History of Kink for APEX in Arizona


Aug 23-25 Ohio Leatherfest in Columbus